If you're not talking, you're getting talked about

By Delilah McMasters

Mansfield Record

Ever been friends with someone, you talk regularly, do things together, and then something happens, you swear you don’t know what happened, but something happens and now this “friend” won’t give you the time of day? Then you start hearing from mutual friends things being said, things not so nice and oh, so hurtfully wrong. Once they stopped talking to you, they started talking about you.

Women are as temperamentally different as their body shapes. Arrogant, passive, flamboyant, and born again virgins—and that’s one woman in an afternoon! So, how do you keep friends? Honestly? You only keep a true handful of friends. Period. Friends through work, hobbies, kids, husbands, church? Sure, they are all amazing women, love them to death, but think hard about this: who do you call at 3 a.m. if you have to go to the emergency room and your kids need a baby sitter? Who would you call if you got to the gas pump and didn’t have a dollar to your name? Who would you tell if you had no groceries?  Or your kid got caught taking drugs at school? Who would tell you to wipe that silly grin off your face, tuck your boobs back in your shirt and take your butt home to your family?  Got a few “friends” in mind? Good! Would you do the same for them? If the answer is yes, then those are your friends.

Friends don’t judge, they don’t rush off to tell another person about your woes or bad luck. They don’t avoid you when you are depressed or no longer fun. They show up and listen. They don’t give you crap when you do things with other couples or other women, instead they respect your time and enjoy things with you and without you without questioning their worth or your loyalty. And when you get busy, they understand, they pick up the phone and pick up the conversation where you left it three months earlier.

When you get dropped by a “friend,” and you will, it happens to the best of us, don’t let them control your thoughts or emotions. Stop trying to reach out and rebuild bonds you didn’t break. Losing a friendship is hard. It can be devastating to your psyche. You’ll grieve, get angry, go over it again and again in your head, and that is fine, do it. Acknowledge your feelings and your part in the friendship: Were there signs you weren’t compatible? Was one of you more needy? Have drama? Gossipy to the point of it being uncomfortable for the other? One of you a hot mess and the other a walking disaster? Take a good long look in the mirror. If it wasn’t you, then it was them ...or both of you ...or maybe y’all were just seasonal friends and it was time to move on, maybe there aren’t any hard feelings at all, y’all just outgrew each other and it was time for new interest and friends. Good thing this happened, because man, it would have been awkward when she called and wanted to talk about another friend’s shady business venture and the size of her butt and you would have had to tell her you didn’t feel the same way and felt uncomfortable with the conversation, huh?

Which brings us to the next part of having friends: how do you keep your friends from talking about you? YOU DON’T! And don’t lie! You are going to talk about them too! It’s what we do as women! We talk and we giggle! We are observant, detailed-oriented and we loooove making sure none of our friends get too big for their britches! No one is allowed to feel superior or act snarky, because we will pick up a phone, dial it so fast it connects the first time to Aunt Betsy, have to make idle chitchat, hang up, and call our mutual friend, just to say, “Girl, did you see the Botox face she’s got going on? How on God’s green earth does she think she’s going to tell people she’s aging well when we done seen her mama and she’s hanging around with us? What she going to say? That she was a child prodigy? No one is believing that after she walked into the sliding door at Target! Are you going to call her or am I? Good thing she got that Botox after all! Ask her if we all go together if we can get a discount.”

Delilah McMasters is a local resident and the mom of six. Reach her at BlessYourHeart76063@gmail.com

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